Living with insomnia as a youth worker

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For as long as I can remember I have struggled with sleep.

Most nights I’ll drift off nice and easily, but then I’ll wake up at the smallest sound, and usually I’ll be wide awake by about 3am, only to have my tiredness return by 7am. This is always fun.

When I’m asleep I grumble, mutter, and grind my teeth. Sometimes I tell full-blown stories. In fact, this was one of the first things that my wife discovered just after we got married. One time, while fully asleep, I opened my eyes, leaned up on my pillow, looked at my wife and said to her:

“Harry Potter… He’s an angel… and he’s got these wings… and he flies around… but he gets really really tired about every fifteen minutes.”

With that I dropped back onto my pillow, but my wife was laughing so hard that she woke me up!

I average about four hours of sleep per night, but that’s not consistent. Some nights I’ll get two hours and some nights I’ll get ten. In fact there really is nothing consistent about my insomnia.

I’ve taken meds, tired therapies, and I’ve talked to doctors. The last doctor I talked to , however, spent most of the appointment telling me about a recurring nightmare of his wherein a giant set of chess pieces were trying to kill him. Fun, but not really very helpful. I haven’t exhausted the entire list of medical options, but I have dug pretty deep.

The thing is, I just don’t sleep well.

For the tech-heads among you, I spend far too long in REM, nowhere near long enough time in NREM, and I tend to only complete the first few sleep cycles, leaving the latter cycles (which mostly deal with cognitive function) incomplete and disturbed. It’s not good for organ recovery, and it always leaves me a little groggy.

Enter the world of youth work

Other than the shadows under my eyes, which I mostly hide with framed glasses and eye-cream, you wouldn’t necessarily know this about me. I don’t talk much about it for fear of the ‘I’ll fix it’ crowd. I’m also slightly onto the ADHD scale, and I’m rarely visibly short of energy during my youth projects. But boy do I feel tired a lot!

I think if I really had to pinpoint when this cycle of poor sleep began, it was when I had a series of operations in my early teens and spent a month in hospital, and no-one sleeps well in hospital! Not long after this I entered into the church youth work scene, first as a young person, then a young leader, and finally a professional youth pastor. It’s all I’ve ever really known.

My introduction to and growth into youth ministry happened on a parallel track to the setting in of my sleep disorder. The two grew together.

The general patterns of youth ministry are simply not well suited to someone with diagnosed insomnia. There are inconstant hours, late nights, early mornings, spontaneous events, overlong meetings, high-energy projects, deep one-to-ones, all-nighters, back-to-back camps, locks-ins, and then reports. If I hadn’t grown into youth ministry while developing insomnia, I never ever would have learned the energy management to go with it.

So what do I do / what should you do?

I honestly have no idea. I’m constantly trying to ‘work on my sleep.’ This is frankly one of the weirdest posts I’ve ever written because I have very little wisdom to give on the subject, despite actually having quite a lot of experience.

I mostly wrote this as a testimony to any other youth leaders who struggle with sleep. Hopefully it will be a little ‘you’re not alone’ post that might offer some solidarity.

I’ll say a few random things though:

  • Youth leader – take your days off, book holidays, don’t distain rest, turn off when your home, don’t be an ‘always on’ leader.
  • Insomniac – seek help, develop consistency as much as possible over sleep quantity (waking up a the same time tends to be more important than going to bed at the same time), make peace with the fact that you will just be tired. Life’s too short to care too much. Also – don’t underestimate the power of regular exercise and a good diet.
  • Managers – Be careful how much you ask from a youth leader that isn’t on their job description, and take care over which meetings you invite them to.
  • Nappers – if you nap, try to do it properly.
  • Self-diagnosers – Please see a doctor before you announce to the world you have insomnia. Some of us really do.

‘Helpful’ people – I’ve read books, talked to doctors, and probably spent more time googling than you have… probably at 4am. Please don’t try to fix me. Encouragement, sympathy and prayers are much better! Thanks 🙂

When youth ministry meets real life – an excerpt from Rebooted

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Youth work is not always pretty, it doesn’t always follow the rules, it doesn’t always show up on time, and it doesn’t always play fair.

I remember getting a phone call at 6am from a local school in London to explain that a very popular sixteen-year-old boy had tragically lost his life in the night. He had been out with some friends, came home late, and – complicated by an undiagnosed heart problem – choked on his own vomit in his sleep. I was asked to attend a memorial assembly that very morning, then asked if I would stay behind afterwards to ‘counsel’ some of his friends.

I got up, donned my suit, and headed through the morning London traffic. The assembly was heart-breaking. Two thousand students, many openly weeping, a confused and unsure shell of a head teacher trying desperately to find words of comfort, and the boy’s parents, fresh from the hospital on the front row in each other’s arms. It got very real very fast. This was nothing however, compared to what came next.

Myself, a local church minister, and a school councillor were taken to a small temporary classroom outside the main hall. This had been set apart for any young person or teacher that wanted time to reflect, or someone to talk to. Students were also told that it was ok to write some messages or stories on the walls inside if that would help them.

Over the next couple of hours, we saw hundreds of students come through that building, almost all of whom left a message. By the afternoon every piece of wall, inside and outside, the carpet, the tables, the chairs, and the ceiling were covered (and I mean covered) by writing:

There were funny stories of times when friends had gone out and done stupid things together.

There were shared dreams and aspirations of what they wanted to be when they grew up.

There were heart-wrenching, deepest apologies – the guilt of which you cannot imagine.

Myself and the other two counsellors walked around like lost sheep. We tried, very carefully, to talk to some of the young people; but that’s really not what they wanted. I shared a hug with a young lad I knew from my youth club at the time, tears lining his face. I had no idea what to say and no idea what to do.

You learn about these times in college and through books, but nothing prepared me for it. I remember tangibly thinking, God please help me take my youth ministry more seriously.

Of course, this is not youth work going wrong, this is youth work working! This is youth ministry at its most pertinent. The creativity of the school gave the young people an uncommonly valuable way of moving thorough their pain as a community. It was amazing. I was there, at best, to facilitate the safety of the activities and the tone of the room. God was obviously, however, in their midst.

Youth ministry is, of course, not all lock-ins, nerf wars, and happy teenagers ‘getting saved’. There are times when real life just happens; the question is whether we have created a youth ministry context where real life is welcomed, and projects that embrace the fullness of this life – even when it ‘goes wrong.’

When the rubber meets the road and things get real, the question left on the table is ‘have I built a youth ministry that can weather this’?’ Or – even better – ‘have I developed young people who thrive in the midst of suffering?’

Life, ministry, and certainly youth work, can get very messy.

Daniel

I – according to my entire team – have a serious defect: I do not like Disney films.

This isn’t entirely true. I still have a soft spot for The Lion King, I don’t mind the new Star Wars, and I could quote Cool Runnings all day long. However, I cannot make it through almost any other Disney film – especially the ones with cartoon animals that wear hats, but not pants! My problem comes down to formula – I think they are all basically the same. This is probably where I lose some of you. Thanks for reading this far!

Each film starts off with a happy situation. Good friends, cosy family, feel-good music and glitter everywhere. Then ‘the thing’ happens. The thing could be anything that introduces a tragic separation into the film (usually the death of a parent): Mufasa is killed by Scar, Bambi’s mum meets the hunter, Dumbo is separated from his mum by the circus… after being rocked like a baby in tears through the bars of a cage, Nemo’s mum and unborn siblings are eaten by a freakish barracuda, Tarzan loses his parents, Chance, Shadow and Sassy get lost in the middle of nowhere, Cinderella is emotionally abused by her sisters, Bell gets kidnapped, Andy gives away his toys, and that whole opening scene from Up!

Once the thing happens, and all the watching children are traumatised for life, there is usually a ‘thrown far from home’ bit. This is then followed by an ‘amazing journey’ bit, a rapid race through the five stages of grief while ‘accompanied by new streetwise friends who you first thought were jerks’ bit (think Timone and Pumba, Buzz Lightyear, sassy candlesticks, a load of kitchen utensils, or a boy scout and demented Labrador). Eventually they find their way ‘back home’ and ‘find themselves’ in some existential way in the process. The evil protagonists die in a brutal way (they usually fall to their doom), and everyone lives happily ever after. The prophecies are fulfilled, the world is saved, there is sometimes ice cream or toast, and so on. Disney in a nutshell. I thank you.

Interestingly, that however, is also really the story of Daniel. A young lad, happy in the promised land, then the thing happens – which is the Babylonian conquest. He is dragged far from home, meets a ragtag group of friends, finds his way, and helps a king (somewhat) connect with God and (kinda) lives happily ever after. If I could sum up the story of Daniel in one line it would be: Trust in God, because everything else is a nightmare!

It’s likely that Daniel (alongside Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah) were teenagers because they were taken from Judah and trained to serve in the king of Babylon’s court (Dan. 1:4-6). They were also specifically called ‘young men’ in v.4.

The fascinating thing we see in these young companions, and especially Daniel, is their immense faith, and connectedness to God’s Word in the middle of a destitute world of sin and godlessness. They would not ‘defile’ themselves with food God had forbidden (1:8), they were divinely given all kinds of knowledge by God (1:17), including the prophetic gift of dream interpretation. They are also kept safe from a fiery furnace (3:6-28) and a lions’ den (6:10-23).

Throughout this whole story Daniel is able to worship his God, speak his word, and challenge the King of Babylon to do the same. Incredible!

Daniel trusted in God, and God raised him up to both speak truth and remain pure Babylon, which probably still rates among the worst cultural environments of all time. Babylon is the metaphor God uses for the Godless world that would be cast into the sea in Revelation 18:21. Young people are immensely resilient, especially when they have a firm foundation of faith and conviction.

We need to do all we can to help young people to thrive under pressure by standing them firmly upon their faith in God. We cannot teach purity, holiness, spiritual disciplines or even a passion for evangelism legalistically or abstractly. We need to continually point them back to God in the midst of tragedy, struggle and grief. We need to help them find God in the midst of pants situations. This is to objectively ‘speak God’ into where He might otherwise have been missed in the middle of the mess. Then they will be equipped in faith to thrive supernaturally.

Is Bonhoeffer really a good role model for youth workers?

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Recently I wrote a critique of Dr. Andrew Root’s approach to incarnational youth ministry, to which he graciously responded.

In many ways, however, Root’s understanding of the Incarnation is not his own. The ghost of Dietrich Bonhoeffer walks each and every page. Even the phrase Root uses, place-sharer, is Bonhoeffer’s (Stellvertreter). Root said that Bonhoeffer’s part in the conspiracy to assassinate Hitler was driven by the belief ‘that it was the only way that he could truly (truly = in the imitation of Christ) share the place of those crushed by the wheels of the Nazi political machine’ (2007:85). This would have been the ideal place for Root to have added some words of caution about using Bonhoeffer as a de facto position on Christology, however we are left wanting.

With this in mind I think it’s worth taking a minute to ask whether Bonhoeffer really is the best role model for youth workers. As much respect I have for him as both a compassionate minister, and a deep thinker, there is another side that is rarely discussed.

Bonhoeffer’s Christology was born out of a very turbulent life experience. He emphasised the this-world focus and concrete nature of Jesus becoming flesh which was heavily outworked in a strongly social gospel. Abstract or internal knowledge of God was almost entirely dismissed by Bonhoeffer. He intended that ‘all Christian doctrines be reinterpreted in “this world” terms… The only way to find God, then, is to live fully in the midst of this world. Christians must participate in Jesus’ living for others’ (Godsey, 1991).

Bonhoeffer, during the later period of his life, discontinued his daily Bible reading, denying that Scripture contained any timeless principles. He said, ‘we may no longer seek after universal, eternal truths’ by reading the Bible (Bonhoeffer and Krauss 2010:71). Further, as someone who leaned towards universalism, Bonhoeffer also lacked a coherent theology of the atonement or  even of salvation itself (Weikart, 2015).

Although Bonhoeffer brings humanity to a sometimes overly ‘functional’ evangelical Christianity, his work cannot be used uncritically. Yet this is precisely what Root and others in the modern youth work world do by building his theology of incarnation. It is little wonder then that Root deemphasises the divinity of Jesus, rarely speaks to any experience of Him outside of concrete relationships with people, and expresses a muddy view of the atonement.

What is continually missing from Bonhoeffer is any sense of it is finished.  There is no talk of victory, glory, heaven, or the eternal nature of salvation through Jesus being fully God. These have no presence in his work leaving a heavily misbalanced gospel.

Bonhoeffer is an inspiration personally, but I don’t’ think he makes a great role-model theologically when it comes to the practice of youth work. At least, I’d like to see him used more critically.

 

References (in order of appearance)

Root, A. (2007) Revisiting relational youth ministry: from a strategy of influence to a theology of incarnation. Downers Grove, Ill.: IVP Books

Godsey, J. (1991), Bonhoeffer’s costly theology. Available at http://www.christianitytoday.com/history/issues/issue-32/bonhoeffers-costly-theology.html

Bonhoeffer, D. and Krauss, R. (2010). Letters and papers from prison. Minneapolis, Minn.: Fortress Press.

Weikart, R. (2015), The Troubling Truth About Bonhoeffer’s Theology. Available at http://www.equip.org/article/troubling-truth-bonhoeffers-theology/

The Gravity of the Bible – an excerpt from Rebooted

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This is a short section from my new book, Rebooted: Reclaiming youth ministry for the long haul – a biblical framework. Check it out here.

When I was growing up, my brother was big into mountain biking. He made his own bikes, had all the right gear, and wore ‘biker’ clothing. One of his t-shirts had a picture of an upside-down guy who had just fallen off his bike with the caption: ‘GRAVITY. I fought the law, but the law won.’

You just can’t fight gravity! Think about the amount of money NASA spends on rockets, fuel and propulsion systems to fight gravity. Gravity is incredible. It’s a powerful force that draws things together, keeps things sound and solid, and it helps things move healthily. If gravity was suddenly just a little different on Earth, then we’d lose the integrity in our joints and bones and even basic movement would become painful. Gravity is a big deal. The Bible has its own gravity: it draws everything together, keeps you on the right track, and holds your ministry accountable. We need to surrender to its pull (it is God speaking after all) and let everything we do be shaped by it.

When we teach young people, we don’t need to be afraid of actually opening and digging into the Bible.[i] Over the past few years I have opened the Bible in every style of youth project I’ve done and – when I properly let them engage with it rather than just spoon-feeding it to them – it is always amazing.

I’d summarise what Peter was doing back in Acts 2 (and the Apostles throughout the rest of the story) as gravitating towards to the Word. They opened it up at every possible opportunity. They used object lessons, full-on speeches, little chats, supernatural miracles – everything they could think of – to illustrate what the Word is saying. These things always accompanied their speaking of the Gospel; they never watered it down or replaced it.

If in doubt, gravitate towards the Bible and use all your considerable creative talents to bring what it actually says alive relevantly.[ii] It really works, and I guarantee you that if you can say something well – God can say it better. Remember, it’s His mission.

There’s a scary and well-executed satirical training clip available on youtube called ‘Ignatius – the Ultimate Youth Pastor.’ Ignatius is the classic superstar youth worker, complete with his own theme music, designer haircut, and ill-conceived catch phrases. Throughout the video we see him doing increasingly stupid things, like dissing prayer and worship times, telling very inappropriate stories, and leading the most cringe-worthy, safeguarding nightmare of a response you’ve ever seen.

Just before he starts to give his disaster of a talk, he gets the young people to take out their Bibles and hold them above their heads. This is what he says to them:

“Repeat after me, say,

‘God’s word – is living – and active – it is powerful – it is more – than I – can deal with – at this stage of my life.’

Good. Put them under your seat, you’re not gonna need them tonight.”

Wow. What a terrible message to send to young people about their relationship to God’s Word! I sometimes wonder though just how close to this we sometimes get.

Proclamation vs. Conversation

When it comes to delivering God’s Word, throughout Acts we see both proclamation, which is public speaking to a group, and conversation, where discourse was happening back and forth.

What’s harder to see, however, is that proclamation most often (but not exclusively) happened when the apostles were talking to unbelievers, whereas conversation most often happened with believers (although again, not exclusively). It seems to me like we do this backwards, we talk with unbelievers, but talk at believers.

The reason it’s sometimes harder to see this in our Bibles is because we have translated a few different Greek words into one or two English words – all of which tend to assume public speaking. Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting that you need to learn Greek or Hebrew to find these little problems out (although it couldn’t’ hurt right?). A little careful reading will still give you the same insight. We’ll visit a clear example of this next in Acts 20, where Paul speaks to a group of believers.

Conversational teaching is pivotal in the work that I do. I give talks for sure, and I believe in proclamation, but I also give room for interruption and questions. The expectation is that a young person can also hear from God and genuinely add to the teaching. I do this with both unbelievers and believers, because we live in a world that has a high expectation for participation everywhere we look.  To make sure this doesn’t dissolve into pure subjectivism, however, it needs careful facilitation, a good grasp on the Bible, and faith that God will always teach when the Word is opened (even if it is a different point than planned). Amazing things can happen when you let yourself facilitate and guide a real conversation between young people and the Bible.

Acts 20:7-12 – Paul, Boring but Benevolent

Paul ‘kept on talking until midnight’ (v.7). Does this sound like a Pastor you know? In the next verse Paul continues to speak ‘on and on’! You could probably still remain true to the original meaning if you added ‘and on, and on, and on…’ However, it’s important to note that the word here for ‘talking’ implies talking with not just talking to. This is a conversation that Paul is facilitating.

In v. 9 we meet young Eutychus, falling asleep in a window box, three stories up. He was not being watched, but was left droopy, ignored and unnoticed – until he fell to his death (v.9). Only Paul saw, because only Paul was in a position to see.

Paul went down to Eutycus. Down three stories, down to the street, down to the ground, down to where there was death, and he covered Eutycus in compassion – literally lay across him, bringing Eutycus back to life (v.10).

Openly Cover in Compassion

Surely the principle here is simple, and the best place to finish this chapter: Notice young people, come to their level and openly cover them in compassion.

Now hopefully you will have policies in place that prevent you from actually lying on top of a young person – don’t do that! Luckily there are an infinite number of other ways to show them the love and compassion of our God without losing your job. Here are 45 random ones to get you started:

  1. Notice them
  2. Smile a lot
  3. Learn their names
  4. Remember their birthdays
  5. Ask them about themselves
  6. Make eye contact when you talk with them
  7. Listen to them
  8. Play games with them
  9. Laugh with them
  10. Reassure them that their feelings are okay
  11. Set boundaries to keep them safe
  12. Listen to their stories
  13. Notice when they are acting differently
  14. Present options when they seek your advice
  15. Suggest better options when they act up
  16. Share their excitement
  17. Notice when they’re absent
  18. Give them space when they need it
  19. Contribute to their collections
  20. Laugh at their (appropriate) jokes
  21. Kneel, squat, or sit so you are at their eye-level
  22. Tell them how fab they are
  23. Learn what they have to teach
  24. Find a common interest
  25. Apologise when you’ve done something wrong
  26. Listen to their fav music with them
  27. Give them compliments
  28. Acknowledge their efforts
  29. Meet their parents
  30. Be excited when you see them
  31. Let them act their age
  32. Be consistent
  33. Marvel at what they can do
  34. Applaud their successes
  35. Pray with them
  36. Delight in their uniqueness
  37. Let them make mistakes
  38. Give them immediate feedback
  39. Include them in conversations
  40. Respect them
  41. Be silly together
  42. Trust them
  43. Encourage them to help others
  44. Believe what they say
  45. Involve them in decisions[iii]

These are small practical things, but they reveal a youth worker that wants to consistently (saturation right?) show God’s love to young people. This is the God who ultimately, in Jesus, laid down His life to save us, and rose again defeating death itself. Paul, in Acts 20, showed the love and compassion of this God – and he showed it to a young person.

We don’t have a word written of the conversation that Paul was having with the room. But we know that God used his act of intense humility and tender love to bring that young person from death to life. Such is our challenge, and such are our tools.

 

[i] Cosby, B.H. (2012) Giving up gimmicks: reclaiming youth ministry from an entertainment culture. Phillipsburg, N.J.: P&R Pub. Chapter 3

[ii] Root, A. (2013) Unpacking Scripture in youth ministry. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan

[iii] Many of these can be found in Fields, D. (2002) Your first two years in youth ministry : a personal and practical guide to starting right. El Cajon, CA: Youth Specialties Books published by Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI. pp.98-99

 

What does Star Wars have to do with Youth Work? – on YCW

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Here’s a post I wrote for ‘May the 4th Be With You’ day for Premier Youth and Children’s work. Check it out here!

Helping your child process their exam result – Kirsten Witchalls

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A short helpful set of sports on exam and test results by Careers Adviser, Kirsten Witchalls. Kirsten is also the wife of Alan Witchalls from Video Bible Talks – make sure you check them out!

I am at GCSE results day in my role of a Careers Adviser. My role is the difficult one of picking up the pieces when things haven’t gone so well.
Here’s some advice to parents based on my observations today:

* Whatever people say about changes in grade boundaries, the new GCSE’s are much more rigorous than the old GCSE’s. These young people have been put under huge pressure to succeed, regardless of whether or not you think they have worked hard enough for them.
* Please put aside your disappointment to focus on supporting your child who will feel the burden of not wanting to disappoint you
* Don’t add to their confusion by putting onto your child any prejudices you may have towards alternative qualifications
* Please be aware of trying to persuade your child to fulfill your unfulfilled aspirations
* Times have changed… apprenticeships and alternative qualifications are well respected by employers and definitely not a last option
*PLEASE encourage your child to plan for alternatives so they have options if things don’t go as planned!
* At the end of the day, exams are not the only measure of success. We will all have our own stories on how we have used disappointment to shape us to be the people we are today. How you deal with this disappointment will also have an impact on your child.

Well done if you’ve read this far… I’m just feeling for those who won’t/can’t celebrate today 😏

3 ways to react and respond to GenZ… by Jonny Price

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Recently I wrote about 5 Differences between today’s young people and Millenials. In this blog I want to lay out some potential ways that we as youth workers might start to engage with some of these ideas.

1. Emphasise what we stand FOR, rather than what we are against

For decades the church has been known by those on the outside by what it is against. It is anti-science, anti-LGBTQ, anti-women and anti many other things too. Within the church this has been seen as a sign of the church being counter-cultural, or of the church standing against the tide of society for the sake of the Gospel.

Outside the church though, this has been seen as the church persecuting those who don’t conform, and, far from being counter-cultural, it has been seen as the church promoting the established culture. GenZ are intrinsically egalitarian, they are shocked at the existence of racism, sexism, or any other ism. Combine this with their lack of knowledge of the Christian faith, then they don’t know why the church is standing against those things.

But what about what we stand for? We are for redemption, for equality, for renewal, for the least and the lost. I am certainly not arguing that we should give up our markers in the sand, or that we should keep quiet about what we are against, but maybe we need to re-think or re-emphasise. Are we promoting personal holiness through individual action, or are we promoting systematic cultural change?

 2. Emphasise the everyday-ness of spirituality

For a long time the idea of ‘spiritual but not religious’ has been a catch-all group for those who believe but don’t belong. While many writers argue that GenZ are neither spiritual or religious, I’m not sure that is the case. It seems that many members of GenZ are intrigued by the spiritual world, but they don’t use the code words we in the church look for to signal that they are spiritual.

Combine this with the way we have made Christian spirituality about a special time and place (Sunday morning, summer camp etc.), then why should young people expect to see God in the world around them?

We can help our young people to see God at work in the world through the people around them and through the amazing things that happen each day. We have a huge help in this from the advertising industry, which has trained this generation to be discerning and skeptical. If we can help our young people to use their incredible skills of discernment, then we can help them to see God at work in the everyday world, and help them to see how they are a part of God’s work in this world.

3. Peter, not Paul, should be our example for conversion and faith

We love dramatic conversion stories. We love to see people’s lives changed suddenly, so that they are redeemed and renewed, and we should. These stories are fantastic and inspiring.

But they stand out because they are unusual. It’s much more difficult to see the hard won, life-long search for truth and the struggle to live out that truth.

Which is why I think Peter is such a good example for us to hold to when we are thinking about conversion and faith development. It is not that he is holier, or superior, but that maybe his example is more timely for us today. How many times did he mess up? How many times did he not get it? How many times did he fail? And yet, he was never abandoned, never rejected, always called back.

By emphasising dramatic conversion, epitomised by Paul on the road to Damascus (which wasn’t as sudden or dramatic as we think, but that’s for another time), we set our young people up for disappointment when they don’t experience this sudden transformation in their own lives.

Emphasising Peter over Paul allows us to tap into GenZ’s understanding of change as incremental and slow, and will help us to develop lifelong disciples, rather than summer converts.

In Conclusion

There is no radical rethink here, no reforming of the Christian faith into something new. Instead we need to look at our contemporary culture and, as faithful Christians have done for centuries, see where the contact points between that culture and our faith is and emphasise those.

It can be uncomfortable, but if we can do this well, we can show the rest of the church how it is done and, more importantly, help a generation of young people see that there is a God who loves them, and offers them redemption not just to a new way of life today, but to an eternal life tomorrow.

5 times NOT to love young people

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Let’s start with the elephant in the room. Of course, you should love all young people unconditionally as Jesus taught us; however, that is assuming we all mean the same thing by the word ‘love’.

Love is unconditional, but that doesn’t make it inexcusable. Love is tolerant, but that doesn’t make it unaccountable. Love is forgiving, but that doesn’t make it negligent.

There are times when how we express love for young people could actually create an unloving environment for others. At worst, misapplying love can create a dangerous, disbalanced, and even hostile environment where the community of God just cannot be grown.

Love is love, but sometimes we need to dial back what that means exactly in a practical way for our projects. For instance…

 

  1. When it poses a safeguarding risk

Unconditional love still needs safe boundaries. Love doesn’t mean we can keep secrets, ignore risks, or waive boundaries.

Loving a young person doesn’t mean that they can come on camp without a parent’s consent for instance. Loving a young person doesn’t mean you won’t tell anybody what they disclosed. Loving a young person doesn’t mean you won’t keep them in line with the rules.

 

  1. When it creates a dangerous environment

Loving a young person in some instances could mean tolerating their behaviour without posing discipline or boundaries – for fear that it may come across as ‘unloving.’ But what if this young person is prone to aggression and violence? What if they create a safety risk for your team, yourself, or other young people?

As God disciplines those He loves (Heb. 12:6), we need to provide consistent consequences, correction, and challenge to those who become violent or aggressive. (link)

 

  1. When it is enabling

Sometimes it’s easy to love a young person by just agreeing with or accepting everything they say without challenge. However, many young people that I have worked with have had a problem with self-esteem and so regularly make up stories and fabricate adventures to make themselves look more impressive. Not challenging this enables these habits and actually unhelpfully allows them to keep building shallow value in their lives.

Enabling is not love, but sometimes it’s just easier! But if we keep granting the premises and rules they set, then the following becomes an issue.

 

  1. When it becomes dependent

It’s easy for young people to get too overly attached to a leader. Loving a young person is creating boundaries where they can exercise their independence and grow in wisdom without needing you.

Counsellors all plan an exit strategy where the client does not become overly dependent on them. This often includes protecting family time, turning off your phone and not giving out your home address. The popular ‘incarnational’ model of youth work has a lot to answer for here.

 

  1. When you’re trying to be God

One of the top reasons good youth workers burn out is that they’re trying (link) to be God. It’s great to exercise Christ-likeness in our ministries – but we are not God and cannot do the work of the Holy Spirit.

Having an unconditional openness, sacrificial approach, and constant care and attention approach to every single young person who crosses our paths without healthy boundaries is trying to be God. We’re not – and it’s God the young people actually need, not us.

Why I Wrote ‘Follow Me’ – By Ali Campbell

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Ali Campbell, youth work consultant and founder of ‘The Resource’ takes us behind the scenes as he releases his new book ‘Follow Me: Transforming and shaping lives for the journey.’

I wrote “Follow Me” because I am fascinated by the relationship between Jesus and Peter. As I have worked with young people over the years, I’ve not found a more helpful picture for young people of what it means to be a disciple than to have a look at the life of Peter as we find it in the Gospels, Acts and his letters.

The title of the book is because these are among the first words Jesus speaks to Peter and among the last as he says after his resurrection: Follow Me!

What is most fascinating about this interaction at the end of John’s Gospel is just how human Peter is. I know he is a human; I just mean the honesty of the narrative. Here is Peter, having stuffed up big time, denying Christ as he was tried and then crucified. Then we have Jesus lovingly re-instating him afterwards. And what does Peter say? “Thanks Lord, I don’t know what to say?” Nope, he says, “What about him?” pointing at John!  Unbelievable, but so like us. Another reason for the title is right there, Jesus is saying “Follow ME”. He isn’t saying follow your youth leader, or that dude over there who seems to have it all together. When he calls us and when he calls young people he says, as he did to Peter, “Follow Me”.

I wrote ‘Follow Me’ a devotional following Peter’s conversations, interactions and the times he is present with Jesus, witnessing all that Jesus says and does. Sometimes Peter is amazing, sometimes he is a bit of a dunce – just like us.

My prayer is that – through following Peter’s journey – young people (and anyone else who wants to read it) might be encouraged and inspired in their own walk with Jesus.

Fantastic. Get your copy of ‘Follow Me’.

 

 

What are people saying about Follow Me?

 

“Deep thinking and really relevant ideas that will help young people get to grip with what it means to give their all in pursuit of Jesus.”

Rachel Gardner.
Director of National Youth Work at Youthscape, President of Girls Brigade England and Wales

 

“This is a generation in desperate need for relentless love, rock solid truth and game changing role models.  Engaging in Follow Me will warm the bones, strengthen spiritual muscles and captivate young people with the compelling person and message of Jesus. It is punchy, fun, innovative and inspiring. It will change the lives of all who throw themselves into it.”

Phil Knox.
Head of Mission to Young Adults, Evangelical Alliance

“Ali’s heart, to put the voices and lives of young people at the heart of our engagement with them, has yielded this great resource. Creative, informative and full of wisdom it stems from his many years of experience working alongside young people and enabling discipleship, centring on a passion for Jesus and a commitment to Scripture. I can’t wait to use it with my own nurture group and am sure the depth of material here will keep us pondering far beyond the 40 days!”

Alice Smith. Lead Tutor for Theology and Youth Ministry, St Mellitus College

“Follow Me is an engaging resource which will enhance the spiritual lives of young people in the church.  Readers are invited to go on an explorative journey through 40 concise chapters that are rich with knowledge and relatable stories.”

Liz Edge, Youth Work Practitioner

5 Differences between today’s young people and Millennials – Jonny Price

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This week, Jonny Price, Youth and Children’s Ministry Leader in York, returns to give us some insight into his research into ‘GenZ’, and how young people today are actually quite different to ‘Millennials’ – just like him!

Millenials are everywhere, saving the world or destroying industry depending in your point of view. But the young people we work with today are not millennials. Instead they are Post-millenials, GenZ, iGen… they go by a few labels.

But the important thing is, their values are significantly different to the values of millenials, and so we need to engage with them instead of getting sucked into the church’s (slight) obsession with engaging with ‘millennials.’

However, before I do, I just want to sound a note of caution. Much of the material that I have found comes from the marketing industry. While it is slightly concerning that those most interested with the attitudes and beliefs of the next generation are those wishing to sell to them, that is not the main concern. We should be wary as to how much marketers are reacting to generational trends, and how much they are setting them. If a group of people grow up confronted regularly with a certain set of values, it is only natural that those values will affect how they see the world.

Here I have tried to look past the obvious ones like ‘shorter attention spans’, or ‘better multi-tasking’, and instead dig into the values they hold and the causes for them.

Now, on with the list

 

  1. Progress, but not seismic shifts

Millenials seem to believe that if they can just sort that one thing out, then everything will be better. Whether they are talking about racism, sexism, exploitation of the workforce, wealth inequality (they are such an earnest lot), that in each of those issues there is a key point, and if it could be changed it would improve. This is unsurprising in a generation that have seen the growth of the internet, the change in the world since 9/11, and the impact of the global recession in their lifetimes. If it goes down, it must go up.

GenZ are much more pragmatic in their approach to change. They believe that small changes will lead to big change, and that improvement in life will come slowly. This makes sense; the phones, computers, and tablets that influence so much of their world are constantly being updated with new fixes and small improvements. It makes sense that they would see the world this way.

 

  1. There is only sub-culture

Millenials see themselves as part of the wider world. They see the shapes and trends in culture and react to them. While there is significant individualisation in their own particular subcultures, through the things they consume and the values they hold, there is still an overarching culture they see themselves as part of

For GenZ, the wider culture has far less impact on them. In many ways there is now only sub-culture, with each individual or group of friends setting the norms and values for themselves without recourse to the adult world.

 

  1. If we can’t influence it, we’ll make our own

Millenials have regularly been described by both their lauders and detractors, as anti-authoritarian. They want to push back against the world, they want to challenge those in authority and want to make changes to the way the world is.

GenZ are also anti-authortiarian, but in a very different way. Instead of imposing themselves on the adult world and attempting to change it, they will instead create their own spaces in which to flourish and grow, ignoring the external society and culture, although to what extent this is a result of the life stage they are at is debatable.

 

  1. I’ll do it my own way

Millenials are a communal generation. They want to work together to achieve their goals, they value community life, and will search out those with similar interests or experiences to them to form communities.

GenZ are far more independent. This has implication across this cohorts life. They are less likely to attend higher education and more likely to enter the workforce sooner. They are less likely to seek work and are more entrepreneurial. They want to do it themselves.

 

  1. ‘Internet famous’ isn’t a thing anymore

Millenials, remember a time before the true growth of the internet, and have inherited their parents slight snobbishness about the internet. However much they invest in it, it still isn’t quite real.

GenZ have no such compunctions about the internet. Influencers actually influence them, internet famous is actually famous. While this may seem a trivial point, it has significant implications. That YouTube celebrity you dismiss as just another internet guy? That person probably has more influence and impact on our young people’s life than we do.

So where does that leave us?

It is still early days for GenZ studies. Like millennials, they will lauded and lambasted, they will be the generation to save the world, or the one that is destroying the way things are.

How should we as youth workers react to these changes? That is a topic for another blog.