Awkward open prayer in youth groups – Comic

Chloe’s back – fresh from her Uni offices and with her weirdly wonderful wired brain – to give us some insight into those more awkward moments of open prayer in youth clubs.

 

 

 

The Pupil, the Pastor, the Professor, and the dead kitty – A one-act play.

Scene: The trying -slightly-too-hard-to-be-cool community coffeeshop that’s attached to the local Bible College. Professor and Pastor are making small talk over lattes.

Enter pupil

Pupil – Professor, Pastor, I have a question.

Professor and Pastor, together in excited unison – Of course!

Pupil – My little cat Whiskers died last night. Will I see her again in Heaven?

Pastor – Oh my poor, poor… poor dear. That’s so sad. Aw, no. So sad indeed. Oh dear, my poor dear. I’m so sorry for your loss. Was poor Whiskers in your family a long time? Was it very sudden? Was she in much pain? Oh, I’m so, so sorry my poor dear!

Pupil – Um, thanks Pastor, that’s nice. But you didn’t really answer my question.

Professor – Maybe I can help you my young fruit. No. No you will not. Animals of the feline variety are not human, and thus – like humans – do not have existential existence beyond the finite and physical reality of this world. What you call a ‘Whiskers’ is simply the over-emotional and irrational construct of an inanimate lifeform without a soul or indeed any sense of self. Your attachment to her is delusional and entrenched in the sinfully depraved nature of humanity. You will not see, her or indeed any kitty, puppy, bunny, or even Bulgarian budgie in the eternal rest. You should stop mourning immediately. Perhaps you should repent?

Pupil is in shocked silence with her mouth hanging slightly open, making mumbling starts at trying to speak again.

Pastor – Urm, well, I think what my learned colleague is trying to say is that poor, sad Whiskers, who was such an important part of your life and family, and whose life was tragically cut short, in fact does have a soul, because she was bought to life when you loved her. Your love will continue forever into Heaven, and so your love for poor Whiskers will see her bought to life – resurrected even – in Heaven! She is in a better place because you loved her.

Pupil, raising a finger gently – Oh. Ok… but wh…

Professor (interrupting) – Well, actually, it may be that what Pastor is failing to tell you truthfully, is that your love is a poor, dim reflection of the Creator’s, and so can’t possibly create anything – and especially not in Heaven. What an absurd idea indeed! Your love is sinful, and that damned cat never loved you anyway! No. Whiskers is gone. Dead as a post. Demised, deceased, perhaps decapitated, and gone for ever. She never really ‘was’. Deal with it.

Pastor, turning to Professor and standing – how can you be so insensitive? This poor young girl has lost a treasured member of her family!

Professor, also standing, pushing Pupil aside facing off to Pastor – well how can you be so deceptive. It helps the girl nothing by lying to her!

Professor and Pastor continue in this vein, their voices steadily getting higher and more intense, while the other coffeeshop patrons awkwardly stare intently into their grande mugs.

Pupil slowly slips away unnoticed.

 

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