Reflections on the hardest year of my life

I recently wrote a celebration and thanks piece about my book. All that I wrote is true – but now for the other side of the coin.

Last year was hard. Not just a little hard, but hard. Very hard, stupidly hard.

I started a full-time Master’s degree, while still working full-time as a local Youth for Christ director, then was offered a publishing contract for a new youth ministry book. All that sounds quite cool eh? No. No it wasn’t, it was stupidly hard.

Let’s start with the MA. I wanted to set myself up for a PhD, so needed to finish quickly and finish well. It was important to me to achieve a distinction, however, my first essay received a lower mark than I hoped meaning all my others needed to be brilliant. As a full-time student, living three hours off campus and juggling a very busy full-time ministry job, I had (at most) half the time the other students had and no regular access to the library.

This meant long trips away, a lot of driving, sleepless nights, hours of photocopying, and very little time to reflect properly on each assignment. I had to learn a new way of writing and adjust myself to a marking scheme that I wasn’t conversant with.

Then the book. I’m massively pleased with Rebooted, and I’m so glad I got the opportunity, however I needed to write it alongside all my essays. By the end of the year I’d written over 300,000 words, and in quite different tones. Moving easily between ‘book tone’ and ‘essay tone’ is impossible! It’s like drumming to two different beats in two different time signatures. This is even harder when you want your heart to truly be available in a book that you’re hoping people will emphasise with.

When the book was released it became quickly apparent that there is little to no market for youth work books in the UK. So, then began 9000 miles of driving to promote it in person. Hours on the motorway, speaking to small rooms of people I didn’t know. Very little familiarity or comfort living out of my little rusty van.

Adding to this we moved house, my blog crashed and had to be rebuilt from scratch, and I was frantically trying to raise £5000 sponsorship doing Britain’s Largest bungee jump. Some close friends also had some very real struggles that really needed me to be present in.

I had these rare opportunities, however, so I poured myself into these experiences. Poured myself!

The breakdown

When I received my dissertation back on the MA, I had actually achieved a very high grade and earned a Distinction. There was so much relief that I actually wailed out loud. I’ve never done that in my life before. Then came the breakdown.

By the end of the year I melted down completely. I couldn’t read more than a few words, I couldn’t write anything – I couldn’t even piece together short sentences – I had a constant headache, my short term memory was shot, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t hold on to the threads of a conversation – even with my wife. I had walked right into a textbook stress-induced cognitive breakdown.

For someone who had always been ‘smart’, losing this part of myself was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. I really didn’t know who I was anymore. My identity felt lost. It lasted for about three weeks before it started to get a little better, and it has taken me most of the year to get past it completely. This was the second time in my life that I experienced real burnout, and it turns out I was no more prepared for it this time around.

My health got worse. I have a difficult condition where my body doesn’t absorb energy from fats naturally, which means I have to eat very carefully – and I need to eat quite a lot. I lost a lot of weight and had a dangerously low BMI. Similar to being obese, being dramatically underweight places a lot of strain on a body.

Finally, (phew), I’ve had insomnia for most of my life, so was living off three to five hours of sleep a night.

Full circle

The biggest thing that took a knock in my life was my ministry. I wasn’t nurturing people well and I took my eye off the ball in a number of projects. For the sake of my book and my degree, my heath and my ministry suffered. Praise God, both are now recovering well!

The results of this season have amazing! I have loved meeting people and I’ve grown hugely as a person (and mostly as a husband), and now – through a lot of life changes and hard work – my health is at an all-time high.

I was given an unconditional offer to study for a PhD. An offer, however, that I’ve decided to defer for a year, oddly enough!

I’m now refocused on my local work, my health, and the shape of my heart.

So, this is a gentle warning, please brothers and sisters, take care of yourself!

Before I did all this, I always wanted to be an author – and I’m guessing I’m not alone? I just wanted to share this little story as a window into that process.

Of course, writing a book is doable, and it’s incredibly valuable too, but please look after yourself! What I’m doing with my young people will have a more lasting impact than my book ever could, and I want to be doing this when I’m old and grey.

I’ve found very little prestige or romance in being an author, and my greatest joys and successes still come from being a local youth pastor.

If you want to write a book, do a degree, or step into a parallel adventure – don’t just wing it, think seriously about how it will fit into your life.

Thanks 🙂

 

Photo by Eric Rothermel on Unsplash

 

Living with cancer as a volunteer youth worker

This brave and honest anonymous post has been written by a youth work volunteer who recently was given the all clear after treatment for cancer. We hope this will be an encouragement to anyone walking through similar challenges.

 

Cancer, My Youth Group & Me.

Cancer:

In August 2016 I was diagnosed with a Hodgkin’s Lymphoma which is a type of blood cancer. It meant that I had to have lots of different treatments and medications and trips to the hospital and in turn meant that my life became very isolated, quiet, and slowed down quickly.

It was an extremely tough time full of experiences and situations that I never expected to happen to me, and I pray will never happen to anyone ever again. It wasn’t a fun time. God, however, is absolutely amazing and has a pretty awesome way of restoring hope, love and joy; and bringing the right people around you!

‘The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.’ [Psalm 28:7]

My Youth Group:

I volunteer at a youth group on Sunday nights. It’s an amazing team with fantastic young people, and it is very very special to me – for multiple reasons. How they all reacted and supported me through my cancer and recovery just astounded me and made me so very very thankful!

The Sunday after I was diagnosed I talked to the team first, and then the young people. I said that I had cancer, and that I would be going on a series of treatments and medications. This would mean that I wouldn’t be able to volunteer as much as I would like for a period of time, but that when I was better that I would come back. They were all so amazing about it – and I was fully aware that they were all praying for me. This was a huge comfort!

I kept them updated throughout my treatment and was hugely comforted and held-up by their messages back.

Me:

I am 100% fine and healthy now, and I’m back at youth club and I love it!

One of my favourite teaching series that we did a while back was called ‘what makes us tick’ where each volunteer was given a session to speak about anything they were passionate about.

Part of my talk in this series was telling the whole group how their prayer and my prayer was answered at a pretty critical part of my treatment, and how ridiculously grateful I was for all their love and support! Their prayer meant that I only had to do four months of chemotherapy instead of six, which was amazing!

What I’ve learned…

Life is an adventure. Which means it can be both wondrous and fun and exciting as well as bleak and tough and exhausting. What’s amazing though is that we don’t have to do it alone. We have God but we also have people. If you’re a leader going through a tough time, then trust the people around you. Let them help. If you’re a team with a leader going through a tough time, be there for them. Encourage them and support them. Check in on them. It often means the world that people care enough to remember and send a message to just say ‘hi, hope you’re ok, we’re here and we’re praying’.

 

Photo by Hush Naidoo on Unsplash

Two dads are better than one – talk

A short Father’s Day talk from 2017 on God being our dad.

 

Are you addicted to controversy?

Just before Christmas I wrote a post discussing what we mean when we call our Bible a sword. As a postscript I added the thoughts below, but after further reflection – and as a recovering controversy-addict myself – I think these thoughts are worth standing on their own and expanding, which is the point of this post.

That said this is a scary post for two reasons: It boldly calls something out – which should always be done with gentleness and respect; and it includes some of the narrative of one of the biggest battles of my life – which is monumentally exposing. But God is good – and I hope this is helpful to someone.

Are you a controversy addict?

Do you desire the Bible to be a weapon? Do you try to justify rude, blunt, confrontational, quarrelsome, disagreements among brothers and sisters using theological language? Why?

Is it a buzz?

Wait with that thought for a second… do you get the buzz from being involved in controversy?

The beginning of addiction

I spent a bit of time on debate teams when I was younger. We were taught to exploit every possible weakness, and to polarise views to their extremes in order to win. Neither conversational progress, nor the deepening of understanding was the objective. Iron-sharpening-iron was not on the agenda. The objective was to win the argument – and I was very good at it.

The victories and the point-by-counterpoint take downs came with a surprising adrenaline rush that is hard to forget. I know exactly what it feels like to ’emerge supreme’ from a debate. It’s a buzz. A real physical and emotional rush.

After a while, this came with both a physiological release of dopamine and an existential sense of self worth. These two things made it incredibly addictive.

It felt good – and it made me feel good about me!

A growing issue fueled by discontentment

For some of us, this rush of ‘rightness’ and ‘winning’ can eventually change into a much healthier shape within the context of our faith. We grow more mature and nuanced, seeking goodness and edification over simply being right. For others of us though, it can subversively become the primary mover in our lives and as such becomes a true addiction.

As an addiction, it is fed by discontentment.

Things like bad church experiences, poor health, a sheltered or stymied upbringing, a consistent feeling of isolation, a sense that you are always misunderstood, or even an above average IQ mixed with social awkwardness – can all lead to a broad experience of discontentment.

This, when ‘treated’ by the balm of the rush of winning an argument, or trying to be always right, or constantly in the know, will turn that rush into an addictive defense mechanism. We become couch-commentators and pew-bound back seat pastors, stewing in our own hyper-logical, negative energy-soaked discontentment. And it goes unnoticed because we have dressed it up in the language of ‘holiness.’

This is probably the same thing that makes us want to pull people down rather than build them up. It’s the thing that makes us reach – sometimes desperately and wildly – for controversy over edification. It’s what makes us look for the problems with everywhere we go and every talk we hear. It makes us always need to have something to say, even if means slipping off to goggle, then pretending we just ‘knew’ it.

Subversively replacing ‘normal’ behavior

This need to be constantly right, smart, and winning, really can be genuinely addictive, and as when it becomes so, it can easily replace ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ human behavior and it can surround us with a self-delusional air of justification. Let’s make no bones about it, it is self-delusional, and the only people who thinks it’s normal is us, or fellow addicts.

Some of us – me included – love to poke holes in a position while building a watertight alternative. There can be some goodness in that when surrendered to God to be used in its right place. However, if this is not motivated by the great commission, moved foremost and uppermost by love for Jesus and people, and then delivered in gentleness and prudence, then it really counts for squat. It’s worse than nothing – it’s actually idolatry because we’re making ourselves out to be the thing most valued and praised.

Being right, even about Gospel truths, can become sinful and disconnected from God.

Is this you?

Think about it for a minute. Do you have fake debates in your head? Do you argue with strawman opponents when alone in the car ?

Do you feel primarily compassion or urgency when you hear something you think is incorrect?

Do you sum up huge swaths of people into tightly categorized and broadly reduced a-personal units?

Do you use social media platforms, younger audiences, and impressionable people to try out your views where they are easy to defend, edit, and impress?

Do you write people off quickly, or summarize them totally before you have a chance to be a brother or sister to them?

Bottom line: Are you on a adrenaline fueled, self-image-enhancing crusade for ‘rightness’ or a compassion-driven commission by Jesus for truth? What motivates your corrections and what focuses your criticisms? Is it Jesus, or is there something else going on?

So, what do I do?

I talk boldly here as an addict. I’ve been in the worst depths of these places and know exactly what it’s like to love ‘rightness’ more than I love righteousness. Or – frankly – more than I love Jesus. I know what it’s like to appear superior, rather than pursue humility – and I still struggle with these passions daily. I’ve been praying for God to change the shape of my heart in these areas for years – which is why I quit my debate team.

This is also why I don’t debate on facebook, don’t post thoughtless provoking memes, don’t talk politics unless its face-to-face, try to hear each position for the first time when a new person shares it as their own, and try my best to ask more questions during a disagreement than just give answers. It’s flipping hard (especially that last one), but it allows me to surrender myself and others to Jesus much more readily. He really doesn’t need me to defend Him, after all. Just love Him, love others, and pursue the great commission.

If your overwhelming passion – when you’re totally honest with yourself – is to be ‘right’, then it might be that you need to take a personal inventory and rediscover your first love for Jesus.

Or – moment of truth – it might just be that this Christianity thing isn’t what you were looking for, and isn’t what you thought it was. Think about it, does your faith primarily ignite your heart or feed your addiction? If the latter, then it’s probably not the faith Jesus gave.

Maybe you need to let Christianity out of the ego-shaped box you’ve put it in and actually surrender to the living Christ afresh… or even for the first time.

I say this very carefully, but as someone who has gotten this wrong far more than he has gotten it right. I’ve decided, however, to follow Jesus – this means I have to want Him to be praised and loved more than I want to be right. Hopefully, under His grace and leading, I can be both, but I know which way I need to balance to tip. It’s a journey – but it’s the right one to walk.

I’ve been tackling this issue personally and directly for about twelve years now – since it was identified in me. I keep cutting off heads and finding new ones but the battle is well worth it and God is so good!

If this is you – please, look it in the face and seek more of God in your life and less of you. Talk to friends, seek community membership (not always leadership), listen more, speak less, slow down, and ask God to melt your heart with His love. It will be so much better!

Thanks for reading 🙂

 

Real stories from 40 women in youth work

On this International Women’s Day I’d like to pay respect, honour and gratitude to female youth workers.

Lingering over from Western Christendom is a patriarchal and masculine church. This interprets theology and practice with a bent that need correcting. In many churches we are quite happy for a woman to be a youth and children’s pastor, but even within those apparent ‘safe zones’ there are a subversive and subliminal undercurrents of hostility and prejudice.

A month or so ago I asked forty female youth workers what particular struggles they have had in their jobs, and to share their stories.

Below is a snapshot of quotes from those interviews. These are things our sisters have experienced, and things that have been said directly to them. I’m not leaving them here to judge or pick apart; and I’m not making any theological argument or taking an overt position. I leave these here as an attitude check: Church, we must do better for our sisters!

“I can’t be a proper pastors/youth pastors wife if I don’t get my hair cut short (at my current church). Men coming up to me to say I should be helping not teaching (not in my current church)”

“My biggest struggle is establishing credibility and respect. “

“First question asked by some parents and particularly older ministers when they meet me…”Have you gone to Bible school?” or “Where did you study?” “

“Some random guy, “I bet those high school boys love THAT youth group.””

“Dad: “I’ll manage my son. Being a girl, you don’t understand what he’s dealing with””

“Ladies from church constantly introducing me to their sons or showing me pictures of them, “Don’t miss the plane!””

“Somehow young(ish) divorced church men think it’s a good idea to add me on facebook and private message me to “get to know me”.”

“For about a year, I had people tell me I needed to hurry up and find a man because, being a woman, I couldn’t relate to boys. Two years later, they told me to be more ladylike so I could relate to the girls, because I’m only good at relating to the boys (I’ve always been a tomboy). Also, there are some concerns that me wearing men’s clothing may make my girls lesbian?”

“Women don’t belong in ministry.”

“How can you be a minister AND a mom?”

“You aren’t a pastor, just a director of a program.”

“It never occurs to anyone that I might be trained and/or seminary educated.”

“Church members try to fix me up with their single sons/nephews. I also hear “she’ll never relate to boys in youth group” and “the boys only keep coming to youth group because she’s cute” in equal measure.”

“I was told recently I couldn’t speak at a youth event because there were some ministers that, if they were there, would walk out.”

“Most of my opposition has come from other women, not men. Most of my biggest supporters and people who will go to bat for me are men. A lot of the opposition comes (I think) from women’s own insecurities and struggles with pride that cause them to lash our towards us. Other women have said, “go and get a real job, be a school teacher” or “how can you be a pastor your not married” or “how can you be a pastor you’re not a mom”… the list could go on and on.”

“”how can you possibly relate to male students?” I guess in the same way male YP relate to female students.”

“Does your husband write your messages? That’s nice your husband lets you come hangout with kids.”

“”you are doing a good job, but The church would prefer a man in this role, eventually””

“The one thing I still face (even with an MDiv, even being licensed) are church members who just can’t/won’t accept my authority based only on my gender.”

“What I find fascinating is it seems to now be younger men, in their late 20’s, early 30’s more so than the older generation.”

“Finding a job. Do you know how many job descriptions have the words he/him/his? And then I have gotten responses back with one question: “Are you a man?” I have two degrees in student ministry and have volunteered for nearly 15 years in various capacities but rarely get any response.”

“I occasionally get asked when I’m going to have kids (which stings a little since my husband and I have been struggling with infertility for the past years) but other than that I am truly blessed to serve where I do.”

“I feel supported overall, but there is the feeling that I am incapable due to my gender.”

“I am the children’s minister at our church, note I am paid staff. I was told last week I wasn’t allowed to go on the staff retreat bc I was a woman…. my husband could go and “represent” me.”

“Our District Youth Director refuses to believe that I’m not the administrative assistant.”

“I have noticed the two people before me in the position were called youth “pastors” and were men; I come in and am now the youth “director.””

“I don’t think it’s been much of an issue ministry-wise–I think it’s been more of an issue when it comes to dating. Some men are not a fan of women in ministry leadership positions.”

“Biggest problem for me being told I’m so young I’m only 29. And still single but i don’t listen to what others say and focus on God and my youth kids.”

“I have had parents, (former) volunteers, and church members tell me they’re glad my husband is the teaching pastor for our HS students “because that’s how God has intended for ministry to be led.” Little do they know that’s why my husband teaches. It’s been so hard for me to teach because of that.”

“I was invited to be a lead speaker on a training tour, but then they had to ask me to step down because the hosting church was too conservative to have a woman teach.”

“To my husband (who is a police officer): “At least you’re in charge at home… right?””

“Commentary about details like: my haircut, my clothing being too pretty for preaching (it was conservative), “you’re a really solid preacher for a woman.” Then, there are the people who talk to my husband about ministry details, instead of (or in front of) me.”

“I’ve been around male leaders will come up and talk to my husband and I but literally ignore me. Won’t shake my hand, make eye contact, or acknowledge my comments.”

A Cantankerous Old Man’s Guide To Youth Work

When I was 15 one of my best friends was a 76-year-old man in a wheelchair, called Cliff.

Being paralysed from the waist down after a bad car accident, Cliff hadn’t left his flat in 10 years. He was old, he was moody, he was racist, he smoked like a chimney (not just tobacco!), he swore like a sailor and drunk like a very thirsty fish.

Why on earth was this cantankerous old man one of my best friends? 2 reasons:

  1. He just liked having me around!

Cliff took a genuine interest in the things I cared about. He would just sit and listen to me talk about guitars and computer games. He even bought me a large power kite one day after hearing me rave about them. He didn’t try to be like me, or pretend to be ‘one of the guys,’ he just genuinely cared about me and really did like spending time with me.

When I had major surgery, he got Iceland Home Delivery to send six large crates of junk food to my hospital bed (which fed all three Children’s wards in Blackpool Victoria Hospital). When I turned 16, he paid a taxi driver to bring a magnum bottle of champagne to my front door. What a freaking legend!

  1. He gave me responsibility.

Cliff allowed me to rebuild his computers, cook him meals and do his shopping. I would tidy his house, sort his mail and charge the batteries in his wheelchair. I never had any doubt that I was valuable to him.

By the end of his life Social Services would no longer work with him. He would rage and throw things at them. I had the keys to his flat, became his next of kin and his sole carer. When Cliff died I organised his funeral – at 17. His estranged family didn’t come.

Short Safeguarding Note: For those of you with Spidey senses tingling (rightly so), my parents kept up a relationship with Cliff themselves and kept a closer eye than I was aware of.

 

Cliff’s Guide to Youth Work

In terms of healthy boundaries, this might not be the ideal job description for a youth worker. It does however, give us two very clear principles for youth work:

  1. Show young people that you genuinely value your time with them.

Don’t fake it, don’t milk it and don’t try to be one of them. Just like them, and like hanging out with them. Show them extravagant acts of love. Don’t know how – here’s 55 ideas!

  1. Give them clear genuine responsibility.

Young people don’t want to be consumers, they are wired for producing. Simple entertainment-driven youth work is now going to way of the dodo – and good riddance to bad sugar-fueld nonsense!

Get them to run things, to work on things, to lead things, to learn things, to research things, to design their own programs, to tell you what they want to learn about and to help teach each other. Let them know that they’re valuable because they are valuable, not because they boost your youth group numbers.

Let’s learn from Cliff and take the words value, extravagance and genuineness to their youth work ideals.

Thank you Cliff.

Teach young people to dream wild – steal the rest later!

When I was 17 I was raising money at my church to go to Bible College. I was at a fund raising dinner that a terrific couple had organised for me, and at the end I went to the front to say what I wanted to do. They asked me what it was that I wanted to achieve and in my arrogance I said,  “y’know Billy Graham? Think him but you know… bigger!”

I’ve been pretty ashamed and embarrassed at that moment ever since I actually went to Bible College and learned about this silly little thing called humility. This is especially important when you consider that Billy Graham himself started every single one of his revival meetings by drawing a circle on the ground. Billy would then step into the circle and say Lord send revival and start with everything that you find in the circle.

It’s so easy to quench dreams with mistaken reality.

I’ve been in full time youth work ever since leaving Bible College nearly 8 years ago and in that time I discovered something about my initial overzealousness in that dinner. Looking past the arrogance, hero worship and the Christian celebrity culture there was a kernel of real goodness in that proclamation. I had a dream to tell the gospel to millions of people. Almost every adult I met afterward however, told me to shoot lower, be realistic and learn humility.

It’s so easy to quench dreams with mistaken reality. It’s so easy to pour cold water on the passions and compassions of young people because of the extra baggage, mistaken theology and missing pieces from their plan. It’s so easy to say that won’t happen because it never happened for us. It’s so easy to limit the prayers, expectancy, hopes, dreams and faith in the omnipotence of God in the hearts of young people. It’s so easy to suck so bad!

Proverbs 16:1 says “To man belongs plans of the heart but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue.” We use this passage to say that there is a fundamental disconnect between the plans in our hearts and the replies of our God. We use it as an excuse to not hold God to account for our prayers and to assume that we are not in keeping with God’s plan for our lives. We assume human nature over God’s virtue.

However if our hearts belong to God why can we not assume that many of the passions, plans and desires in our hearts originate from him?

The message of the Bible is the more you get to know God the more your heart becomes in-line with his heart.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says God has placed eternity in man’s heart. Psalm 37:4 says delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. The message of the Bible is the more you get to know God the more your heart becomes in-line with his heart. God buries plans deep in our hearts when we come to know him and He spends years clearing away the dross from those plans so they have room to breakthrough and live.

Yes we do need to correct bad theology, we do need to set expectations that allow God to be God and us to be us. We do need to clear dross and teach sanctification by the Holy Spirit through his Word. However, we cannot do this at the expense of throwing the baby out with the bath water and drowning good plans in legalistic low expectation.

We must set the bar so high that only a passion filled, God honouring, driven young person could reach it.

We must concurrently teach good theology and stoke the fire of dreams and passion in the hearts of young people. We must set high expectations. We must teach that God can accomplish the impossible. We must set the bar so high that only a passion filled, God honouring, driven young person could reach it. We must allow young people to achieve far more than we ever did. We must teach them to submit their plans to God as worship, not bury those plans in legalistic pseudo sanctification.

I’ve not stood on the stage of a revival meeting in front of millions of people. I’ve not led tens of thousands of people to Christ. I am not a bigger Billy Graham.

However, I’ve learned that the kernel of passion that I had as a teenager was not evil or wrong. Even though I only knew how to express it in that ‘bigger Billy Graham’ language, it has since been nurtured and grown by my God. He has allowed me to have a huge impact on the lives of many young people.

Young people develop abstract from concrete thinking very young, however when a young person says something that scares or challenges an adult, that adult has a tendency to only interpret as concrete thinking. I needed adults who were able to think in the abstract, see the kernel of God given truth through the fog of my imature language and help me develop my passions before God.

Priority number one – ask God to allow you to see and hear His voice through the language of young people and see what of He has placed in their hearts.

Priority number two – encourage young people’s wild, God-driven dreams.

Priority number three – give young people every opportunity to pursue those dreams.

Priority number four – teach and model the language of humility that always points back to God rather to ourselves.

Priority number five – help clear the dross and baggage of underdeveloped theology that could choke that dream.

 

Teach young people to dream wild!

Tragic loss in the metal world asks how do we respond to metal loving teenagers?

A mainstay of the nu metal movement of the 00s, Wayne Static of Static X passed away this weekend from a drugs overdose. This is another in a long line of shocking losses from the Heavy Metal world joining the ranks of Adam Goldstein (Crazy Town), Paul Gray (Slipknot), David Brokie (GWAR) and Dave Williams (Drowning Pool).

What stuck me this time were some of the responses to the news from other well known bands, here’s a couple:

“This is so sad. Too many musicians are dying from overdoses. I’m serious, addiction is real and takes fools out. no one is invincible. So glad I live a sober life today. The number of friends that I have lost to addiction is crazy. If you are struggling with addiction, get some help before it’s too late. I know deugs and partying are part of the ‘rock ’n’ roll lifestyle,’ but damn, how many more gotta die?? F*** the lifestyle, I want life!!!! See you on other side, Wayne….” [Jacoby Shaddix, PAPA ROACH].

“Rest in peace Wayne. I’m speechless right now. I’m losing too many of my friends. I’ll see you on the other side, brother.” [Jonathan Davis, KORN].

It’s the heart cry of Jacoby Shaddix that we must hear; “I want life!!!!’

Both have seen this before, both are tired of loosing friends, both are hoping for more ‘on the other side.’ But it’s the heart cry of Shaddix that we must hear, “I want life!!!!’

Overdose and early violent deaths are synonymous with the metal scene right through to its grassroots. A few years ago, one of my best friends from high school died from a heroin substitute. He was an incredible musician, a bass player for several bands and a metal lover through and through. This was, as all the papers said, a tragedy. Surely he didn’t need to die?

My experience is the Christian youthwork world has lots to say to the heavy metal subcultures, but very few effective ways of doing so. There’s lots we can teach about value, hope, lament, mourning, truth and beauty but we can’t see past the satanic, sex, drugs and rock n’ roll stereotypes associated with the genre.

When I was growing up metal music was my whole world! Everything from Metallica through to Static X themselves. I had the clothes, the hair, the posters and I played electric guitar in a metal tribute band. As a Christian through, I was given a wide berth from the youth leaders who treated my love of the genre as something dangerous to grow out of. “But, that’s so satanic!” one of them commented when they found out. It’s like they we’re tracking my course from learning guitar riffs to the demon-fuelled overdose that was obviously impending.

My experience is the Christian youthwork world has lots to say to the heavy metal subcultures, but very few effective ways of doing so.

When I started youthwork my experience in the heavy metal world was invaluable. It allowed me relationships with young people who no one else could get near. A young lad once bought me an Iron Maiden poster that he had signed by drummer, Niko McBrain and I spent two years with him and his brother reading Romans together… as well as attending their gigs. We need to engage on this issue because they too want life!

Very little youthwork that I’ve seen engages directly with young people in the heavy metal world, and even less have projects and relational objectives for young people on these specific journeys.

I will spend a few posts over the coming weeks interviewing people who, just like me, grew up with one foot in the Christian Youth Work World and the other in Heavy Metal Subcultures. I will spend several posts sharing the individual observations and journeys of these youth workers who group up with a passion for heavy metal music. Each will be unique and hopefully each will feed our insights for how to look after young people in the heavy metal world.

Watch this space for the first interview.

The Cream Pie Youth Work Challenge

Four years ago at the last session of a holiday club I was running, some of the teenager members of the team took it upon themselves to start a new tradition of ‘cream pie the leader’ i.e. me.

Of course, the six of them couldn’t agree on who got to do the pie-ing and so came to a healthy compromise. They would all do the pie-ing!

Do you know whats worse than a pie in the face? I’ll tell you, SIX cream pies in the face! After the first two I’d inhaled a copious amount of cream into my lungs, after four my nose was numb from impact, and after six I was verging on a near death experience. I couldn’t see, couldn’t breath and was well on they way to cardiac arrest while looking like a giant melting ice cream cone. All this to the deafening sound of  laughter from a hundred children and six highly gratified teenagers.

I was the absolute definition of ‘disorientated.’ Ten minutes later I somehow found myself with towels and hot tea in my office breathing normally with no idea how I got there! I think this is a great illustration of how God works in the lives of young people.

Young People are in such need. Many are disorientated, lost, confused and lonely. They’ve basically been pied in the face by cultural expectations, peer-pressure, media bombardment and low self-esteem.

Youth Workers and the Church need to be the guiding hand to safety, the bringers of towels and hot tea. We need to reach out with hands of grace through a cream-pied mess of chaos and say ‘you are worth it’ and ‘God is enough for you.’

The role of Youth Workers in this generation is not to hurl any more pies, but to get into the mess and bring guidance, wisdom and security that mirrors the Father’s heart for them.

God is doing a new thing through Youth Work in the UK. I want to encourage you to stand in prayer, in service and in passionate giving to take the good news of Jesus Christ relevantly to every young person in Britain.

And please remember, Leave out the cream pies!