Dear ‘Free Hugs’ Guy… please stop

Why, oh why must you do it? You wait by the entrance to the main tent every year with your cute pseudo-homeless cardboard sign, not so much offering as demanding that people hug you. And if we don’t hug you, you act like we just blended your kitten, and everyone around looks at us like we work for Nazi Germany. Sometimes when we don’t hug you, you bar our way, and that one time we did hug you, you let out that strange little noise and held on just too long. It’s. Just. Creepy.

Some people don’t actually do well with physical contact from strangers, and feeling judged or ridiculed for this is really not helpful. Some young people that come to camp have a genuinely problematic history with physical contact, and trust has to be earned before you get that right. Some people (like me) are just not ‘huggy’ people. I enjoy a good cuddle with my wife, but that’s a context you don’t need to go anywhere near.

And how old are you? If you are an adult looking for a prolonged physical contact with as many young people you can find, then there are some other people that I’d like to call. If you are young person, it might be useful for you to know that you are safeguarding nightmare.

There’s nothing really wrong with a hug, but a pressurised hug with a stranger? And with young people and children that you know nothing about? It’s also a bit weird when you’re asking leaders who’ve been through Safeguarding and Child-Protection training and police checking to get huggy with unknown and possibly vulnerable young people.

I know – most likely – that you just want to spread a little love around. Great! Are there not two billion other ways which you could do that? Camps are always looking for volunteers: Work in the kitchens, do some setup, get on the prayer team and do something, y’know, that isn’t a risk assessment nightmare.

I’m sure I look like a killjoy, but unlike you I’ve spent years pouring into the lives of young people with varied difficulties, carefully cultivating a healthy, trusting relationship with them. I know them. I know that these small gestures that makes them feel violated or judged does not help! Your pop-psychology googleomics class not withstanding, these things stick and they linger and they undo good work.

I’m sure in most cases the ‘free hugs’ thing is fine – but how many hugged and unhugged people did you let go by without a second thought for the real issues that you may have, inadvertently, and absentmindedly stoked.

If you really need that many hugs – go to your group or your family. Or – in all love – find some real help. And if you are that creepy adult… please stay away from my group.

Yours sincerely

A career youth leader with vulnerable young people.

Tim